Ashley Franklin

This Little Light of Mine

I’ve had some good things happen lately–REALLY good things. Still, I’ve had a strange feeling that I have no right to celebrate these good things. It’s a nagging, internal voice that asks a simple, yet powerful question: How could you?

How could I enjoy and celebrate personal gains when the world is in an extreme state of disarray? Fine. I’ll be realistic. The world right now is scary and chaotic. I had a great opportunity arise related to Not Quite Snow White (and I promise I’ll blog about that super soon). Instead of taking time to bask in how great the opportunity made me feel, I was filled with anxiety.

My mind was in a constant state of turmoil. I mean, it truly outdid itself this time: I’ll have to travel to do it. But, I wouldn’t have to travel too far. It would be a short trip. Then again, I need to have gallbladder surgery soon. Is it even safe to travel? Of course I need to do this. This is the dream come true. But what if chasing dreams turns into a nightmare and I bring this mysterious illness back to my family. My kids have asthma! What kind of a mother am I? But…isn’t this a great opportunity for us? Or…honestly, is this selfish to do right now?

Did I make the right decision? I made a decision. That was hard enough. So, I’ve decided not to dwell on whether or not it was right or wrong. I feel like there are too many variables at play, and I made the decision with the support of my family.

What does this vague story have to do with anything? Coronavirus is unsettling, unnerving, and it has made many of us feel unstable. We’re taught to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. In our current situation, that may be easier said than done.

For my own sanity’s sake, I’ve had to shift my thinking. At my grandma’s church, they used to sing this song: “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.

Even the smallest of lights can beat back the darkness. Whatever brings you the smallest bit of joy, that you can still safely enjoy, do it! With each additional thing that you do, your light will shine a bit brighter. Protect your light. Find your energy source. And remember, we are practicing social distancing, but this doesn’t mean that you’re alone. Stay connected. Stay radiant.

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Butt in Chair (BIC) & Why it Vexes Me So

“STOP TELLING ME TO SIT DOWN!” is what I internally rage scream whenever I see this bit of writerly advice. Don’t get me wrong. I get it. Of course you need to get your butt in gear in order to actually write.

But, follow me with this, what if with the way my life is set up, those butt-in-chair moments are few and far between? Does that mean I’m not a serious writer? Does that make me a writer of a lesser caliber?

The way my anxiety is set up, I find BIC unnerving. If the words aren’t manifesting on the page (or in my brain for that matter), I may freewrite, doodle, wrestle with other works in progress, or let my mind wander for a bit. If nothing of great magnitude is happening, you best believe my butt is getting up.

Actually sitting my butt in a chair to get some writing done is a luxury I have maybe a handful of times a month. For this reason, I value it immensely. However, it’s just not something that I can regularly do. And before you roll your eyes at me, I do know that I’m being SUPER literal. You do have to put the time in. There’s no getting around that. However, I feel like BIC makes making time to write seem a lot easier than what it is.

My writing time is more WIM—writing in the moment. This consists of making voice notes on my phone, drafting in Google Docs on whichever device is closest, scribbling on scraps of paper, and later assembling everything when I have time (usually when my kids have FINALLY fallen asleep).

At the end of the day, no matter how it gets done, all I hope is that whatever time I have put into writing has made me feel one step closer to achieving my writing goals.

That’s all we can do—do what works best for us. What works best for you?

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